


Wanna Go Back

by KlavierRPF (KlavierWrites)



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Happy Ending, Heavy on the angst, M rating is for second chapter, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Some members of GOT7 are here because I'm weak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24258256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlavierWrites/pseuds/KlavierRPF
Summary: Sungjin proposes to Younghyun when he's nine.Things are simple when you're a kid. Not so much when you're an adult.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Sungjin, Kim Wonpil/Yoon Dowoon, Other non-endgame Younghyun ships - Relationship
Comments: 59
Kudos: 187





	1. Then

**Author's Note:**

> This fic came about entirely by accident, but I have zero regrets. There will be a second part where they're adults, but it's not written yet so please motivate me via comments and feedback, ok?
> 
> Please note that I am an English writer, writing a story set in Korea, using Americanisms for the convenience of a wider readership. If anything feels a little weird and out of place, that's why.
> 
> As always, my Twitter is [@eajpils](https://twitter.com/eajpils), I don't bite.

After Sungjin is born, his mother gets her tubes tied. Sungjin, obviously, is unaware of this. However, it does dawn on him at some point during his teenage years that he’s probably what many people would call a “happy accident”. He has two sisters, both of whom are significantly older than him – the younger of the two being fourteen when he’s born – and although his parents love him dearly they really are a little on the older side to be raising another baby.

Kang Younghyun is the only son of the girl that his mother babysat when she was in high school. He lives just down the road, and, on account of their mothers maintaining a friendship, they spend quite a lot of time together. Younghyun is younger than Sungjin by almost a whole year and Sungjin, who doesn’t yet understand why he’s not going to get a younger sibling of his own, is happy to play hyung.

On Sungjin’s first day of school, Younghyun cries so hard that snot runs down his face and his mother keeps apologising on his behalf. Sungjin’s parents want a first day of school photo outside the front door, Sungjin dressed smart in his new school uniform, bookbag in hand. But Sungjin only agrees if Younghyun can be in the picture.

“Are you sure, honey?” asks his mom, “we can take one without Younghyunie, too, if you want.”

“Don’t want that,” says Sungjin firmly. His parents give each other a look, but agree. So Sungjin’s first day of school photo, which hangs framed in the hallway for most of his childhood, features a red-faced and snotty-nosed Younghyun frowning beside him. Sungjin finds it hilarious. Younghyun hates it.

Sungjin’s in Younghyun’s first day of school photo a year later. This photo, which has pride of place in the equally embarrassing location of over the fake fireplace at Younghyun’s house, is significantly cuter.

Younghyun is wide-eyed and nervous, his knuckles white with how hard he’s gripping the straps of his new school rucksack. Sungjin is smiling widely next to him, a front tooth missing, his arm slung over the other’s shoulder in a pose that would becoming increasingly familiar to the two of them in birthday and holiday photos to come.

Sungjin doesn’t have a lot of close friends at school, falling into that little-kid habit of declaring a best friend one day and having a different one two weeks later. He likes a lot of the other kids, and he’s not bullied, but he’s also never been invited to another child’s house except for the kind of birthday parties where the whole class gets invites. 

This changes when Younghyun starts school, because even though he’s the year below and some of the kids in his class question why he’s friends with one of the babies, the two are inseparable.

“This is Kang Younghyun,” he says to his teacher on Younghyun’s first day. He’d dragged Younghyun across the playground the second he saw her coming out with her cup of coffee to watch the students, gripping his hand tightly so the smaller boy doesn’t get lost.

His teacher smiles. “Lovely to meet you,” she says to Younghyun, “how do you know our Sungjin-ah?”

Younghyun doesn’t answer, because he’s got his fingers in his mouth, and has no interest in meeting Sungjin’s teacher beyond the fact that Sungjin had told him that was what he was going to do.

“He’s my best friend,” says Sungjin proudly, “amma says he’s my little brother even though we’re not related.”

“That’s nice,” says Sungjin’s teacher, who likes Sungjin as much as any of her students but was really hoping to just drink her coffee and plan lessons in her head for the next twenty minutes. “How about you go and be a good hyung and give Younghyunie a tour of the playground?”

Sungjin puffs out his chest and nods importantly. “Yes,” he says, “come on, Younghyunie, I can show you everything. I know this place really well now.”

By the end of Younghyun’s first week, it’s well known amongst the teaching staff that wherever Sungjin is, Younghyun will be following.

When Sungjin is nine and Younghyun is eight, Younghyun falls over in the playground and scrapes up his knees and the palm of one of his hands. He doesn’t even sit up, just lies on the concrete where he’d fallen and bawls his eyes out.

Sungjin is too panicked to think to find a teacher. He sits down on the floor next to Younghyun and tries not to cry too, because he is nine and nine-year-olds don’t cry about everything like eight-year-olds do. But Sungjin is an empathetic nine-year-old, and hot tears run down his cheeks even though he doesn’t want them to.

The teacher on duty finds them pretty quickly, and initially thinks that Sungjin’s been hurt, too. He wails when she tries to get him to stand up, but it’s only because he wants her to help Younghyun first.

“He’s hurt!” he says, his voice loud and panicked. “He fell over and he won’t get up and I didn’t know what to do!”

“Younghyun-ah,” says the teacher, who doesn’t teach either of the boys but knows his name by a streak of luck and staffroom chatter, “will you let me help you up?”

Sungjin hovers next to the limping Younghyun all the way to the first-aid room. The nurse kindly tells Sungjin that Younghyun will be fine, nothing that a few band-aids and some antiseptic won’t fix, and would Sungjin like to go out and enjoy the rest of his lunch break now?

Sungjin shakes his head. “I have to look after him,” he says solemnly, “I told his mom that I would.”

The teacher and the nurse share a look and Sungjin is allowed to stay and hold Younghyun’s sweaty palm as the nurse fixes up the grazes on his knees.

“That can’t happen again,” says Sungjin seriously when Younghyun comes to his house after school that day. Younghyun is cross-legged on his bed, eating the popsicle his mom had bought him when she’d seen his bruised knees. He’s practically already forgotten about what happened at lunch.

“What can’t happen?” asks Younghyun. Sungjin is standing up, arms folded.

“You getting hurt,” says Sungjin, “the nurse almost didn’t let me stay to look after you.”

“But she did, though,” says Younghyun.

Sungjin stomps a foot. “But she might not next time!”

Younghyun considers this. “I don’t think I’d like being in the nurse’s office without you. It smells weird in there.”

“Exactly,” says Sungjin, “so we need to make it so that they always have to let me in.”

Sungjin has been thinking carefully about this ever since he got sent back to lessons at the end of lunch. His mom and older sister had been watching a drama on the tv in the living room the night before, and Sungjin had been playing his DS in the same room. He was pretty sure that if they had realised he was kind of watching it too, they would have sent him out, because it was really grown-up and had a lot of adults shouting at each other.

But he pretended he was focused on his game, even put his headphones on without the sound, and kept glancing at the screen out of the corner of his eye. There was a particular moment that stuck with him. One of the characters had got hurt really badly, and his love interest had been crying really hard, but the doctors wouldn’t let her in.

(“Is he your husband?” one of the doctors on TV had asked.

“No, but I’d marry him in a heartbeat, please let me see him.”

“Sorry, unless you’re direct family, we can’t let you in.”)

Sungjin knows that Younghyun isn’t really family. His parents like to say things like “practically family” and “almost like brothers” to describe him. If Younghyun gets hurt again, they might not let Sungjin see him if they’re only _practically_ family.

“We need to get married,” says Sungjin firmly. “That way, if you get hurt, they have to let me see you.”

“What?” says Younghyun, and Sungjin sighs. He forgets that Younghyun is so much littler than him and needs things like this explained. So he tells him about the drama and about how if they’re married they can look out for each other better, and by the end Younghyun is nodding enthusiastically.

“I think it’s a really good idea,” says Younghyun, “but can’t only grown-ups get married?”

Sungjin thinks that at nine, he’s already perfectly grown up, but he gets where Younghyun is coming from. Eight-year-olds might not be able to. “We can just decide we’re getting married now,” says Sungjin, “and then actually do it later.”

“Can I wear the suit?” asks Younghyun, “I don’t like dresses very much.”

Sungjin doesn’t want to wear a dress either. “We can both wear suits,” he decides. “But that’s not now, anyway. For now, we just need to promise.”

“Ok,” says Younghyun. The remains of his popsicle are dripping onto Sungjin’s Spiderman bedding, completely forgotten about.

“No, you need to promise,” says Sungjin, “say ‘I promise’.”

“I promise,” Younghyun parrots back.

“Good,” says Sungjin. There’s a pause. He doesn’t quite know what you do after that. “Do you want to play Mario Kart?”

Younghyun does.

Sungjin asks his oldest sister the next time she visits what it’s called when you’ve promised someone that you’ll get married to them, but you haven’t done it yet.

“That’s called being engaged,” she says, “but I’m not engaged to Hyunwoo-oppa, Sungjinnie.”

Sungjin hadn’t been thinking of his sister’s smelly boyfriend who tries to relate to him by talking about videos games that his mom would never let him play, but he pretends that he is. “Good,” he says, quoting something from another of his mom’s dramas, “you can do better.”

His sister shrieks with laughter.

On his last day of primary school, Sungjin gives Younghyun a mood ring. It’s actually quite a nice one, Sungjin thinks. It’s got real metal and a little paper booklet that tells you what the different colours mean. He spent his pocket money on it while his dad made stupid dad comments about how Sungjin had never shown an interest in jewellery and that he didn’t know he was raising someone with such discerning tastes.

Sungjin had gone to the register to pay for it himself, feeling very grown-up and also embarrassed. “Do you want to try it on?” the cashier had asked, “make sure it fits?”

“It’s not for me,” he’d said, and the cashier had squealed and said something about how cute he was that Sungjin had ignored.

It’s been a long time since he and Younghyun had agreed to get married, and they’ve never actually talked about it since. Sungjin is hopeful that Younghyun is still up for it, because he still very much considers himself to be engaged.

In a dramatic role reversal from when he had started school, it’s Sungjin who’s the more anxious about their impending separation. While Sungjin is moving up and leaving his one friend behind, facing a new school alone, Younghyun is just facing school without Sungjin. A prospect he can apparently handle quite well, considering that unlike Sungjin he has friends in his own year group. Specifically, Kim Wonpil, who is short and a bit cross-eyed and has recently been spending lunch with them.

(Sungjin likes Wonpil well enough. He’s quiet and nerdy and laughs at all Sungjin’s jokes. He just gets a bit jealous sometimes, because Wonpil gets to see Younghyun in lessons as well as at break, and he and Younghyun have jokes that Sungjin doesn’t get. And Younghyun thinks that Wonpil is really cool even though he clearly isn’t and Sungjin is right there, learning guitar and knowing about football and actually on his way to coolness.)

All of which is to say that it’s Sungjin who gets a bit tearful at the end of his final day of primary school, not Younghyun, which is humiliating. And he accepts the ring with a shy smile and says thank you in a slightly confused voice, and Sungjin knows he’s forgotten about the engagement already, which is even more humiliating.

The first year of middle school is awful. It’s all the same kids as primary, and they all already have friendships that don’t involve him. He has people to talk to in class, but lunch time is lonely.

Almost every day after school, he gets off the bus and walks in the opposite direction to his house, spending the time before his parents call him home for dinner at Younghyun’s. A lot of the time, Wonpil is there too, and Sungjin is getting used to him. He and Younghyun are becoming kind of a joint package, something that Younghyun’s mom likes to joke about and makes Sungjin feel ugly and jealous, like he’s being forgotten about just because he’s a year older.

“Do you like Wonpil more than me?” he says one day, when it’s just him and Younghyun in his room.

Younghyun looks surprised. He supposes the question did kind of come out of nowhere.

“I like Wonpil differently from you,” he says eventually. Younghyun is better at words than Sungjin these days, and his answer is diplomatic and evasive in a way Sungjin would never be able to pull off.

“How differently?”

Younghyun bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s like,” he says, closing the maths textbook he wasn’t reading anyway, “Wonpil’s my best friend at school, but you’re my best friend period.”

Sungjin nods, feeling a bit better. He doesn’t have a best friend at school, though. He’s just got Younghyun.

In his third year of middle school, Sungjin gets his first girlfriend. She’s called Dahyun. They don’t have any friends in common, but she’s got a goofy smile and fox-like eyes. They share one slightly awkward cafeteria lunch together, hold hands once, and then break up because Dahyun doesn’t want to miss out on lunch with her friends to spend time with him. Younghyun teases him and Wonpil informs him that as a first year, she was too young for him anyway. The whole experience makes Sungjin feel off-kilter and weird, and he doesn’t know it at the time but Dahyun is the only girl he’ll ever date.

The local high school is much further from home than his middle school and takes in kids from all the surrounding towns. This makes it scary at first, because it’s huge, but it turns out to be a good thing. In his first year of high school, he meets the first person he likes even half as much as Younghyun.

His name is Im Jaebum, and he has two piercings in each ear and says he wants a nose ring, and by some bizarre twist of fate he thinks Sungjin is cool. They skip gym together and smoke behind the bike shed, and do all kinds of teenager things that Sungjin thought only happened in movies.

His parents don’t like Jaebum. They think he’s a delinquent, which he is on the surface, but not really. He likes animals and is studying hard because he wants to be a vet, and he’s actually really nice to people he thinks deserve it. Sungjin’s not sure what he did to make that list, but he doesn’t question it.

His dad doesn’t want him hanging out with Jaebum at all, calling him a bad influence, but his mom talks him down, saying it’s important Sungjin has friends his own age. Still, it takes ages for them to agree that the two of them can hang out at the house, and Sungjin suspects its only because they don’t want them wondering the streets causing trouble instead. 

He doesn’t realise it’s been weeks since he’s seen Younghyun until the boy in question shows up on his doorstep when Jaebum’s over.

“Boys,” his mom calls, “come downstairs, you’ve got a visitor.”

Jaebum is lounging in Sungjin’s desk chair, trying out his guitar, and he looks at Sungjin in confusion.

“It’ll be Younghyun,” says Sungjin, getting up from the bed, “come on.”

“Who?”

“Younghyun,” says Sungjin again, “my friend from middle school?”

Jaebum looks at him blankly for a moment before slight recognition flashes over his features. “Oh yeah,” he says, “think you’ve mentioned him.”

Sungjin frowns. He’s surprised at himself, honestly. Back in middle school, he’d talk about Younghyun all the time – he didn’t realise he’d been doing it less.

He goes downstairs with Jaebum on his tail and, indeed, it is Younghyun who’s waiting for him. He’s standing sheepishly in the hallway – his mom has clearly told him to come in, but he’s too polite to move deeper into the house.

“Hey,” says Sungjin, throwing thumb over his shoulder, “this is Jaebum. Jaebum, Younghyun.”

Younghyun’s eyes widen when he takes in Jaebum in all his glory. Sungjin supposes it must be kind of a shock, since this is possibly the first time ever Sungjin has introduced a friend to Younghyun rather than the other way around.

Jaebum bro nods. “’Sup,” he says, “you here to hang out or what?”

Younghyun’s eyes dart between the two of them. “I didn’t realise you had a friend over. I can go.” Sungjin’s heart clenches.

“Nah,” says Jaebum, “stay – more the merrier, right?”

Sungjin feels out of his depth. “Yeah,” he says, “more the merrier.”

Jaebum and Younghyun don’t get along. After that first meeting, where Jaebum had been his usual brand of blasé friendliness and Younghyun had been outright cold, Younghyun had started texting to make sure Sungjin was alone before coming over. They continued to not get along when Younghyun and Wonpil started high school. Sungjin, reluctant to abandon his friend just because his other friend didn’t like him much, found that he and Younghyun didn’t hang out together much at school anymore.

They were still close. They’d lived in each other’s pockets for long enough that they always would be. But it was different, their time spent together mainly being at weekends, or on the bus to and from school. They weren’t Sungjin-and-Younghyun in the way they’d once been.

Sungjin is in his final year of high school, and Younghyun hasn’t said a word since they got on the bus home except a muttered greeting.

He’s clearly agitated, scrolling his phone but not staying on any app for long, his knee bobbing up and down. When Sungjin asks if anything is wrong, he just shakes his head.

If this were a few years ago, Sungjin would have poked him in the side and or annoyed him until he caved and admitted what was bothering him. But he’s almost eighteen now, and there’s a wall of self-consciousness between he and Younghyun that wasn’t there when they were younger. So he leaves him to it, putting his earphones in and staring out of the window.

They get off at the same stop and Sungjin doesn’t even pause his music to say goodbye, just pulls out an earbud and waves before turning on his heel, his house in the opposite direction to Younghyun’s. A hand reaches out and grabs his jacket. He turns.

“Younghyun?”

Younghyun’s fingers twist deeper into the fabric. “Can you– do you want to come round mine?”

The expression on his friend’s face is nothing short of pained and it hurts Sungjin’s heart to see. He’s agreeing before he’s even thought it through.

They don’t talk on the short walk to Younghyun’s house. They don’t talk as Younghyun fishes the key out of his school bag to unlock the door. They don’t talk on the way up to his room, either, besides Younghyun muttering something about his mom being at work.

Sungjin hovers in the doorway of Younghyun’s room. “Is everything ok?” he asks.

Younghyun sits down heavily on the bed. “Nope.”

Sungjin edges a little further into the room, glancing around for somewhere to sit. Younghyun’s desk chair is the obvious choice, but it’s covered in clothes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Younghyun throws himself back on the bed, feet still on the floor. “Yes and no.”

Deciding there’s not really any other option, Sungjin sits down gingerly next to Younghyun on the bed, shuffling back until he’s leaning against the wall. His weight makes Younghyun roll slightly, so he’s facing him. “Do you know Yoon Dowoon?” says Younghyun, looking up at him.

Sungjin shrugs, “I know of him. He’s in the year below you, right? You’re friends.” He’s pretty sure he’s seen Yoon Dowoon at Younghyun and Wonpil’s table at lunch. He’s never really talked to him, though.

Younghyun sighs deeply. “He’s dating Wonpil.”

Sungjin didn’t know Wonpil was into guys. “Oh,” he says, “good for him.”

Younghyun sits up on his elbows, glaring at Sungjin, who is starting to feel lost. “How can you say that, hyung?”

“Wait,” says Sungjin, “are you mad at Wonpil for dating a guy?” He and Younghyun have never really talked about sexuality, but given that Jaebum is openly and loudly bisexual, he figured Younghyun at least guessed he didn’t have a problem with gay people.

Only Younghyun is looking at him like he’s stupid. “What?” says Sungjin defensively.

“You’re really dense sometimes.”

Sungjin makes a vague noise of protest. Younghyun sits up properly, shifting so they’re side-by-side. 

“I’m not upset because he’s gay,” says Younghyun, “obviously. Wonpil’s been out practically since middle school.” This is news to Sungjin.

“Then what’s the problem?” asks Sungjin, “are you worried you’ll be left out?”

“Oh my god,” says Younghyun. “This is not what I expected when I invited you over. You’re meant to be pissed off on my behalf.”

Sungjin sways slightly, nudging Younghyun’s shoulder with his own. “Tell me why I’m supposed to be mad and I promise, I’ll defend your honour or whatever.”

Younghyun still looks kind of upset. “You really don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I like Wonpil,” says Younghyun, and he looks away as he says it, pink dusting his ears.

Sungjin is momentarily speechless. He doesn’t know what to respond to first – Younghyun liking a guy, Younghyun liking Wonpil, Younghyun thinking that Sungjin was already aware of those two things. He settles for the main issue. “That bastard,” he says, “picking Yoon Dowoon over you.”

Younghyun lets out a startled laugh.

“No seriously,” says Sungjin, getting into character, “fuck him! Who does he think he is? You’ve given him all your teenage years and then he dates a scrawny first year instead?”

Younghyun is laughing outright now. Encouraged, Sungjin continues, “I always knew that Kim Wonpil was a player. Stringing boys along. I knew it from the second he wouldn’t give me a sip of his juice box in primary. Rotten to the core, that boy.” He wags his finger disapprovingly and Younghyun loses it, pitching forward and clutching his stomach with laugher.

“I knew his cuteness was an act,” says Sungjin darkly, “his eyes probably aren't even naturally like that. It was a ruse from the start to make you trust him.”

“Ok,” says Younghyun, still chuckling, “you’ve made your point.”

“What point? Kim Wonpil is dead to me. He’s a terrible person.”

“No, he’s not,” says Younghyun, and his voice is verging on sad again, “he’s lovely. He just doesn’t like me like that.”

Sungjin lets the overprotective hyung act drop. “That’s his loss, Younghyunie,” he says, patting his shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

Younghyun’s lower lip wobbles. “I’ve liked him for ages,” he says, “but I don’t think he’s ever thought of me as more than a friend.”

Something about that really tugs at Sungjin, even though he’s never been in the same situation. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “he’s an idiot. You’re definitely a better choice than Dowoon.”

Younghyun shakes his head. “Dowoon’s nice,” he says, “and Wonpil really likes him. They’ll be happy together, I think.”

“Jeez,” says Sungjin, “you have to give me someone to be mad at, Younghyun. They can’t all be nice people who did no wrong.”

“They are though,” says Younghyun, “that’s what makes it hurt so much.” Sungjin can tell he’s on the verge of tears.

“What time does your mom get home?” asks Sungjin.

“Not until late,” says Younghyun, “why?”

“Want to order pizza and complain about how single we are?”

Younghyun nods, his smile thin-lipped.

“I can’t believe Wonpil’s your type,” says Sungjin as he pulls his phone out to order. “This whole time, I thought you had good taste. I’ve never been so wrong before.”

Younghyun slaps his arm, but he’s laughing again, which was Sungjin’s goal. 

Younghyun and his mom come with Sungjin and his family to move Sungjin into his college dorm. They’ve become closer since Younghyun told him about Wonpil, finishing their last year in high school together as close as they’d been in middle school, if not primary. Sungjin knows it’ll make the separation harder.

He’s not met his roommate yet, but their side of the room is already decked out. Based on the posters and memorabilia, his roommate is a nerd with good taste in music. Could be worse. He wanted to room with Jaebum, but at the last minute Jaebum decided it would be better for them not to live together so they didn’t get too co-dependent. It hurt a little, but he didn’t hold it against him. Jaebum was just like that.

His sister only stays long enough to help get the boxes out the back of the car before she vanishes to go back to work. His mom doesn’t last much longer. She starts getting teary when she realises Sungjin’s left his plushies on his bed back home, and Younghyun’s mom whisks her away to “explore the campus” before she can start crying outright.

He unpacks the rest of the big stuff with Younghyun and his dad. Younghyun is understandably quiet and his dad isn’t much of a talker, so it’s not exactly a lively affair. Eventually, his dad brushes off the front of his pants and nods at the two of them. “I’ll go and see where your ma’s got to,” he says gruffly, “I’ll leave you two to it.”

Younghyun is slotting Sungjin’s small collection of books onto the even smaller shelf above the desk. Sungjin had been deciding on the best place to store his guitar, but he stops to watch Younghyun work.

“I can tell you’re staring at me,” says Younghyun eventually. “I’ll be fine, hyung.”

That hadn’t been why he was looking, but he goes with it. “Of course you will,” he says, “it’s only a year.”

Younghyun puts down the book in his hand. “I’ve got Wonpil and Dowoon and Jinyoung.” Jinyoung is Wonpil’s friend turned Younghyun’s, and Jaebum’s new boyfriend.

“Jinyoung will be here all the time to see Jaebum,” Sungjin points out, “you can hitch a lift to see me.”

“Who says he won’t be getting a lift with me, not the other way around?” says Younghyun, turning to look at him. “A decade of friendship beats six months of dating.”

“More than a decade,” says Sungjin, “technically.”

Younghyun’s lower lip actually wobbles. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“One year,” says Sungjin, “and I’ll see you all the time.”

Younghyun darts forward and pulls Sungjin into a hug. They’ve been friends for a lifetime, but Sungjin can count the number of hugs they’ve shared on one hand. That’s on him though, he’s just not much of a hugger.

He pats Younghyun’s back awkwardly. He can feel his eyes stinging, and he really doesn’t want to cry. He’s been doing so well at keeping it together so far today.

Younghyun steps away and takes a deep breath. “We’re not saying goodbye,” he says, “because that’s dumb.”

“Not saying goodbye,” Sungjin agrees.

“I’m going to put the rest of these books away, and you’re going to unpack that last box, and neither of us are going to say goodbye or cry at all.”

They actually manage it, too. They don’t cry while they finish unpacking, or on the short walk around campus, or during the meal his parents treat them to at the restaurant before they leave.

He hugs his parents and pats Younghyun on the back before he gets into his mom’s car. It’s not until they pull out of the visitor’s car park, leaving Sungjin on the curb, that tears start to fall.

He scrubs them away, not wanting to start his university life off as the guy who cries when his parents leave. But he knows that really, it’s not his parents he’s crying about.

He realises, as Younghyun waves at him frantically from the passenger side of his mom’s car, that he’s a little bit in love with his childhood best friend.


	2. Next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this got long. Like, way longer than I was anticipating. And the length of part two kept growing and growing, and I realised it would make more sense to release it as two chapters, so that's what's happening. This chapter is undoubtedly going to be the longest because of where I cut it, but what can you do?
> 
> Some notes on this chapter:  
> \- This chapter (and the following) is quite tonally different from the one before it. They're adults now, it happens. I changed the summary for this fic to reflect this.  
> \- Yes, Jae calls Young K 'Younghyun'. As Younghyun never goes to Canada in this AU, it doesn't make sense for him to be called Brian. This is also why Sungjin never calls him 'Kang Bra'.  
> \- There is some mature content in this chapter of the sexy kind variety. I've said before I don't write smut, that's still true. This is plot-relevant sexy times, and it's actually kind of bummer. Don't get excited. 
> 
> I think that's everything! I'm amazed at what this fic has turned into. It literally all stemmed from me imagining what Young K would be like as a child after episode 2 of YBC.

Before he’s anything else to him, Park Jaehyung is Sungjin’s college roommate. Jae is everything that Sungjin isn’t – he’s loud and untidy and extroverted. He invites Sungjin to parties and whines when he refuses. He speaks a complex language of cultural references and internet slang so elaborate that Sungjin only understands about 50% of the words that come out of his mouth. He is the bane of Sungjin’s existence. They became friends almost instantly.

Nowadays, Sungjin spends a lot of time reminding himself of that fast friendship. Of how there’s no way he would have gotten through his first year of college without Jae. Of how Jae did a better job of getting him out of his shell than Younghyun or Jaebum ever did. He has to remind himself of all the little reasons he likes Jae because he has a big reason not to: Jae is dating the love of Sungjin’s life.

“I think we can do the flowers cheaper than that,” says Sungjin, “if you phone, they’ll have a wedding package discount.”

“It’s only a small ceremony and we don’t exactly need a bouquet. Won’t a package be overkill?”

“Can’t hurt to enquire,” says Sungjin, “buying 20 centrepieces individually is bound to be more expensive.”

Sungjin is not a wedding planner. Sungjin is a bartender and a gig musician who loves his friends too much to say no when he’s asked to ‘help out a little bit with the planning.’

Wonpil looks at him pleadingly. “Can’t _you_ call them?”

“I’m already calling the scary lady at the venue about using our own catering service,” says Sungjin, “this one’s on you. Or do you want to just go with the hotel’s food?”

Wonpil shakes his head. “Dowoonie’s really set on food trucks,” he says.

Sungjin laughs. “Yeah, right. I’m willing to bet it’s you that’s set on food trucks because you think they’ll match your Pinterest aesthetic and Dowoon’s just agreed. You can’t lie to me, Kim Wonpil, I’ve known you too long.”

“This is bullying,” says Wonpil, picking up his caramel frappe monstrosity and sucking on the straw noisily. Sungjin just looks at him from over the top of his laptop, which is open on a listing of local florists.

His close friendship with Wonpil is possibly the most unexpected part of Sungjin’s adult life. They’d bonded in Wonpil’s first year of university, spending time together partly out of a lack of anyone else to spend it with. Dowoon was still in his last year of high school, Jaebum was so busy with pre-med nobody ever saw him, and Jae and Younghyun… Well. That was kind of their honeymoon period. They were too wrapped up in each other to spend much time with either of them.

Wonpil is easy company. His sense of humour is surprisingly dry and occasionally biting, he knows how to be quiet when he needs to, and they have enough interests in common that conversation is never stilted.

“Just six months now,” says Sungjin, “have you finally settled on how you’re organising the wedding party?” The nice thing about it being same-sex union is that Wonpil and Dowoon can decide on their own traditions for things like this.

“We’re sharing,” says Wonpil, “our friends are all the same people anyway, it doesn’t make sense to divide them up.”

“Smart,” says Sungjin. “We’ll need to sort tux rental sooner rather than later.” 

Wonpil takes another noisy sip of his drink. “I have another favour to ask you,” he says, “Dowoon’s orders. Well, my idea. But Dowoon’s making me ask.”

“Yeah?” he says, a little warily. He’s not actually sure how much more involved in wedding planning he could be at this point.

“Will you be one of our groomsmen?”

Sungjin is so touched he forgets how to speak, and Wonpil (the snake) just laughs at him.

“Well, I’m danced out,” says Younghyun. His bow tie is loose around his neck and his shirt is a little more creased that it was at the beginning of the night, but he still looks stunning. More like a model than a guy two years into a business internship.

He sits down heavily next to Sungjin and puts two glasses of something sparkling on the table. “Prosecco,” he tells him, “the champagne is long gone.” 

“Where’s Jae?” asks Sungjin, taking the proffered glass. He’s not exactly a sparkling wine guy, but it’s a wedding.

“Still going at it.”

Sungjin looks out across the dance floor and indeed, Jae is bouncing up and down to the upbeat music, limbs akimbo. “I’m surprised he hasn’t knocked anyone over yet,” he says.

Younghyun ignores the jab. “Haven’t seen you up there yet. You’re normally the first to make a fool of yourself.”

Sungjin raises his glass as an explanation, “not drunk enough yet.”

“Never stopped you before.”

“Never been to a wedding before, I’m trying not to embarrass the grooms.”

Younghyun looks out meaningfully to where Dowoon is awkwardly bobbing in place while Wonpil attempts to beat Jae for the prize of most enthusiastic dancer. “They’re doing that themselves,” he says.

Sungjin has to admit he has a point. “Give me a bit,” he says, “I’ll go up later.”

Younghyun sips his own drink. “I’m holding you to that, hyung.”

There’s a comfortable silence while they people-watch. Dowoon appears to be trying to leave the dancefloor, but Wonpil’s got both his hands in his and is standing firm, refusing to let him leave. They’re both laughing.

There’s something about weddings, Sungjin is realising, that makes him nostalgic. “What would teenage Younghyun say,” he says, “if he knew he’d be a groomsman at his crush’s wedding?”

He’s looking at the grooms when he asks the question, but he turns to Younghyun to wait for his answer.

Younghyun grins. “God, I’d almost forgotten about that.”

“Forgotten?” says Sungjin, surprised. “How could you forget?”

Younghyun shrugs. “I had a lot of crushes when we were kids. Every single one felt like the end of the world at the time.”

Despite himself, Sungjin’s intrigued. “Oh yeah?” he says, “like who?”

Younghyun’s laugh is too big for the question, and he very deliberately looks back at the crowd. “I’ve forgotten their names; it was high school.”

“We’re attending the wedding of people we went to high school with,” says Sungjin, “Weak excuse. Who was it? Someone embarrassing?”

“Wonpil’s embarrassing,” Younghyun points out, “and I told you about that one.” His cheeks are a little flushed.

“I think I had a crush on Jaebum,” Sungjin offers, but Younghyun looks unimpressed.

“Literally everyone knew that,” he says, “try again.”

Did they? That’s embarrassing. Sungjin hadn’t even realised at the time. “Sorry, I think that was really my only crush,” he lies, “I spent most of high school kidding myself I liked girls.” 

“Oh, no fair,” says a voice. Jae has wondered over to their table. “You can’t talk about high school, I’m the only one who didn’t know you all then.”

He slides into the seat next to Younghyun and immediately slings an arm around his boyfriend’s waist, pulling their chairs closer together and resting his chin on Younghyun’s shoulder. “Can we talk about something else?”

Younghyun pushes Jae’s face away, “Like how drunk you are?”

“If it’s a problem,” says Jae, pushing his lips up to Younghyun’s ear, “catch up with me.”

Jae’s tone is flirtatious and Sungjin takes it as his cue to get the hell out of there. “I’m going to dance,” he says. They don’t hear him.

He’s exhausted, sweaty and creeping past tipsy into drunk territory. He danced with a delighted Wonpil, he got Dowoon’s little cousins to dance to ‘Again & Again’ with him, and Wonpil’s older sister even attempted to teach him to twerk. But then the DJ announces that they’re going to play some slow songs, and he sits back down at the table just as Jae and Younghyun go back up.

Sungjin loves his friends. He loves his friends a whole lot, and he’s happy for them. But he’s now been the fifth wheel (seventh if you count Jaebum and Jinyoung) for almost four years, and as he watches the couples on the dancefloor, he feels a little sad.

Dowoon and Wonpil are in their own world, heads bent together and arms around each other, more swaying than dancing. Wonpil’s friend Namjoon and a man Sungjin doesn’t know execute a perfect box-step. Jae and Younghyun take it a little less seriously, giggling and turning in messy circles but still unarguably together.

Sungjin’s chest aches. 

“Hey, hyung.”

Sungjin tears his eyes away from where he’d been watching Younghyun and Jae and sees Dowoon hovering over him. “Shouldn’t you be dancing with your husband?”

Dowoon laughs awkwardly and takes the seat next to him. “Don’t be embarrassing.”

“What’s embarrassing? You just got married.”

“Yeah but – it’s a lot. I’m not used to calling him that yet.” Dowoon’s eyes are pleased little crescents. “And I can’t dance with him, he’s dancing with my mom.”

Sure enough, Wonpil is respectfully attempting to slow dance with Dowoon’s tiny mother – he actually looks tall in comparison.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” asks Dowoon.

“Nobody to dance with.”

Hesitantly, Dowoon points to himself. “Wanna dance with me? I’m not very good but I don’t like seeing you sitting here looking all sad.”

“I’m just tired,” says Sungjin, which isn’t exactly a lie, “don’t worry about it.”

Dowoon still looks unsure. “Hyung–” he starts, and then cuts himself off.

“Yeah?”

Dowoon glances at the dancing couples, like he’s checking they won’t be overheard. “I really admire you, hyung. For your loyalty. But isn’t it time to move on?”

Sungjin stares at him. Dowoon’s ears are red, betraying his nervousness, but his face is serious. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Younghyun-hyung and Jae-hyung have been together a long time,” he says carefully.

Sungjin’s first instinct is to deny everything but technically, Dowoon hasn’t said anything yet. A denial would be confirmation. “I–” his voice cracks. Dowoon’s eyebrows are tilted in sympathy.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” says Dowoon.

Sungjin sighs. “How did you know?”

“A hunch,” says Dowoon, “some stuff Wonpil-hyung said about how you acted at school. The way you’ve been watching him all night.”

Dowoon is often quiet, but he’s quietly observant. “Younghyun doesn’t know,” says Sungjin.

“No,” says Dowoon, “and I won’t tell him.”

Sungjin nods. Stares at the dancing guests again. “I didn’t realise how I felt at school,” he says, alcohol making his tongue loose, “and by the time I’d worked up the courage to say something at college he already had a crush on Jae.”

“You didn’t say something before they started dating?”

Sungjin shakes his head. “Not brave enough.”

Dowoon’s hand hovers over Sungjin’s arm for a moment before giving it a hesitant pat. “Come and dance with me,” he says again, “it makes Wonpil-hyung happy to see us getting along and it might take your mind off it.”

Sungjin lets himself be led back to the dancefloor.

“Let me set you up on a date,” says Wonpil, “guys or girls?”

“Thanks, but no,” says Sungjin, as Younghyun says, “Guys, right?”

Wonpil pouts. “You never date anyone, let me help.”

“No,” says Sungjin again.

“ _Please_.”

“Absolutely not.”

Jae laughs, “It’s a lost cause, Pillie. I tried to set him up on a blind date in our first year of college and he straight-up stood her up.”

“I told you I didn’t want to go,” says Sungjin, “also, you set me up with a girl.”

“I didn’t have enough data on your preferences,” says Jae, “and you wouldn’t tell me, so I hedged my bets. Not my fault getting personal info from you is like getting blood from a rock sometimes.”

Younghyun laughs, which hurts a little.

“Please let me set you up with someone,” says Wonpil, clasping his hands in front of him, “Jinyoung has this friend–”

“Leave him be,” says Dowoon, speaking up for the first time in a while, “he doesn’t want to.”

Sungjin shoots Dowoon a thankful glance, and he smiles back. He’d still rather Dowoon didn’t know, but it’s undeniably nice to have someone in his corner. And, because Dowoon is strangely commanding when he wants to be, the conversation moves on.

The bar Sungjin works at is kind of a dive, but the manager is flexible with his shifts and they do live music nights, so he likes it well enough. He got the job through Jae, but Jae’s the kind of person who has a million side-hustles, so he’s there far less often than Sungjin is. Sungjin’s not sure if it’s luck or Jae’s meddling, but when he does have a shift, it’s almost always with Sungjin.

Tonight’s a quiet night. Not a lot of people want to go out drinking on a Tuesday, and those that do don’t stay until closing. Normally, he and Jae would chat, but Jae’s been edgy all evening.

Eventually, he speaks. “Can I bitch about something?”

Sungjin doesn’t even pause from where he’s wiping down the worksurface. “You’ve never asked before.”

“Yeah,” says Jae, leaning against the bar, “but I want to bitch about Younghyun.”

Sungjin’s arm stops moving. “Trouble in paradise?”

Jae barks a laugh. “Could say that.”

Sungjin is glad he’s an expert in masking his feelings at this point, is glad that he can say, casual as anything, “it’s not something stupid like chores, is it? You two must have been living together for long enough to be over that kind of thing.”

“Nah,” says Jae, “I lived with you for three years, so Younghyun’s chill by comparison.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Jae sighs, goes to rest his head on the sticky bar counter and then apparently thinks better of it. “I just never see him anymore, man.”

“He’s busy,” says Sungjin, “his internship’s almost up–”

“And he wants to get offered a permanent position,” says Jae, “I know. It’s all he talks about. But with him staying later and me working evenings, I like _never_ see him. We haven’t had sex in _months.”_

Sungjin makes an exaggerated show of wrinkling his nose and faux-barfing to hide the genuine discomfort bubbling in the pit of his stomach. “Please don’t tell me about your sex life.”

Jae whines, banging a hand on the counter. “Pity me! I’m horny!”

Sungjin knows he’s joking, but it rubs him the wrong way. Younghyun’s degree is in business management, he likes the company he works for and is working incredibly hard to make them see his worth. It feels wrong to let Jae dismiss that because he wants to get laid.

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this,” says Sungjin. Jae stands up straight.

“Huh?”

“You’re being unfair.” 

“Wait, are you actually mad about this?” Jae glances down. Sungjin realises his hands are balled into fists, his grip on the washcloth tight.

“It’s– it’s not appropriate for you to be talking about him like that. He’s working hard.”

“Jeez,” says Jae, “didn’t realise it was such a sore point.”

Sungjin takes a deep breath. Unclenches his hands. Reminds himself that he doesn’t have any right to be overprotective of Younghyun. “Just– we’re friends, but Younghyun is…” he doesn’t know how to finish that. “Just remember that I can’t take sides, ok?” he says.

Jae scratches the back of his head, looking sheepish. “Message received.”

The rest of their shift is frosty.

He meets up with Younghyun during his lunch break the following week. Younghyun texts him to ask and he agrees even though it’s kind of a long drive, because it’s been ages since he’s seen him, and even longer since he’s seen him alone.

Sungjin is worried after his conversation with Jae that Younghyun has been working too hard, but he’s in good spirits. He orders what to anyone else would be too much food and seems happy to see him. He tells him stories about work, about a compliment his boss paid him that he thinks means he’s in with a shot.

But Sungjin has to ask. “You’re not overworking yourself, right?”

Younghyun’s face falls. “You’ve been talking to Jae-hyung.”

Sungjin nods.

“I’m fine,” he says, “I’ve got a good handle on it. Things will calm down soon either way – either my internship will end, or I’ll get a permanent post and won’t be doing so much busywork.”

“And everything’s ok with Jae?”

Younghyun hesitates. “Yeah,” he says.

Sungjin books a small set at a local pub, but they promote him well and turnout is good. He’s surprised and pleased to see Wonpil and Younghyun in the audience as he’s setting up – pleased because he didn’t know they were coming, surprised because neither of them has their other halves with them.

They cheer the loudest after each song, but they’re not the only people who cheer. And when he’s done, a couple of people approach him to ask for his SoundCloud link and a young couple asks if he does weddings.

So yeah, he’s feeling pretty good as he sits down at the table with his two childhood friends. “Feel,” demands Younghyun immediately, shoving his bare arm into Sungjin’s line of vision.

“Why?”

“I’ve still got goose bumps,” he says, “go on, feel.”

Sungjin runs his hand along Younghyun’s arm, feeling the little raised hairs and desperately hoping the heat in his cheeks isn’t visible.

Maybe he imagines it, but he thinks Younghyun shivers a little. Sungjin’s hand lingers on his arm. Younghyun swallows.

But then a switch flips and Younghyun drops his arm, beaming. He’s gained a little weight recently, and his cheeks look squishy. Sungjin’s not sure what’s worse – that he notices or how cute he finds it.

“Someone asked me if I do weddings,” he says, shyly proud.

Wonpil and Younghyun are suitably impressed.

“Wish I’d thought of that,” says Wonpil.

“I wouldn’t have played at your wedding,” says Sungjin, “not after I also practically orchestrated the whole thing.”

“How did Wonpil talk you into that, again?” asks Younghyun.

“He didn’t need a lot of persuading,” says Wonpil, “hyung’s secretly a sap about weddings, I think.”

Sungjin shrugs, embarrassed. Wonpil’s not wrong, per say. He’s had a fascination with marriage since he was a kid.

“What about you, Younghyunie?” asks Wonpil, “you and Jae-hyung thinking of tying the knot?”

Younghyun almost chokes on his drink. “Er– no,” he says, coughing.

Wonpil blinks at him, eyes wide. “Why not?”

Younghyun shifts in his seat. “I don’t think Jae and I are like that.”

Wonpil barges on, either oblivious to or ignoring Younghyun’s discomfort, “What do you mean?”

Younghyun glances at Sungjin like he wants him to help, but Sungjin’s just as lost as Wonpil. “We’re not domestic like you and Dowoon, Pillie.”

“You live together.”

“Yeah but that’s more convenience than anything. We’re like roommates.”

Sungjin is amazed. He knew the reason that Younghyun had given for moving in with Jae after college was that it was closer to his internship, but he thought that was just because they were both shy about moving in together and wanted to justify it. From the look on Wonpil’s face, he thought the same.

“Younghyun…” Sungjin starts, but Younghyun cuts him off.

“We were talking about you booking a wedding, hyung,” he says, “let’s go back to that.”

Wonpil shoots him a worried look.

“Yes or no for ‘You Were Beautiful’?”

“It’s gorgeous, but it’s a bit bleak for a wedding,” says Younghyun. It’s a Saturday, and Sungjin is sitting at the kitchen table in Younghyun and Jae’s apartment, trying to put together the setlist for the wedding he’s booked.

“’When You Love Someone’?”

“That’s a no-brainer,” says Younghyun. Sungjin adds it to the list.

They go on like that for a while, dismissing as many songs as they agree on, until Sungjin’s mind starts to wonder.

“I think I’d book a live band for my wedding,” he says, “not a soloist like me.”

Younghyun looks at him curiously. “You think about getting married?”

“Well, yeah,” he says. “I want to, eventually.”

Younghyun’s mouth is hanging open. “No offence, hyung, but I didn’t think you were into that kind of thing.”

A memory comes to Sungjin unbidden, of a forgotten promise and a mood ring. He swallows. “I’ve always liked weddings,” he says.

“But you don’t really date.”

“That’s–” he tries to think of an explanation that isn’t ‘because I’ve been in love with you for five years’ and comes up short. “That doesn’t mean I don’t like the idea of getting married.”

“Cute,” says Younghyun. Sungjin already knows he’ll be up at night overanalysing that one.

“What about you?” says Sungjin, partly to get the attention off himself, “do you really think marriage isn’t on the cards for you and Jae?”

Jae’s out of the apartment, or he wouldn’t dare ask it, but he still feels guilty. Younghyun’s gaze drops to his hands.

“I don’t know,” he says, “we haven’t talked about it. But we’re casual.”

Sungjin feels the need to make the same point Wonpil had. “You’ve been dating for like four years. You live together.”

Younghyun starts picking at a flap of skin near his fingernail. “I don’t know what to tell you, hyung.”

“Sorry,” says Sungjin, “it’s not my place. If you don’t think marriage is for you, that’s valid. We can’t all be as sickeningly in love as Dopil.”

Younghyun laughs, because Sungjin never uses Jae’s stupid name for Dowoon and Wonpil, but it’s half-hearted.

“If you want to get married someday,” says Younghyun, “why are you so resistant to dating?”

He wants to lie, but the moment’s too raw for it. “It’s complicated.”

Younghyun makes a little gesture to say ‘go on’, but Sungjin shakes his head. He can’t explain it. Can’t even begin to articulate that there’s a part of him that feels like he’s been engaged since he was nine. “Too complicated to get into when I’ve got a setlist to write and work in a few hours.”

It’s a clear avoidance tactic, but Younghyun’s kind enough to let him use it. 

He books another wedding after the first, and then an engagement party, and before he quite knows what’s happening, he’s on the line up for a local indie festival.

It’s in a park and the sun shines bright and Wonpil brings a picnic blanket and enough food for a small army. Which is good, because a small army of people show up to support him. His oldest sister shows up with his nephew in tow; Jaebum and Jinyoung drag along several of their rowdy vet and med student friends; Dowoon invites people Sungjin hasn’t seen since high school, and Younghyun foregoes the picnic blanket to stand right in front of the stage, clapping and beaming and singing along.

When his set’s over, he gets off the stage and is immediately swarmed by people congratulating him – those he knows and those he doesn’t. But they all move out of the way when Younghyun launches himself at him, flinging his arms around his neck and squeezing him tight before standing back, his hands still grasping his shoulders. “You were amazing, hyung. I am so proud of you.” 

Younghyun smiles so wide his eyes disappear into his cheeks, pulling him in for another hug. To say Sungjin is overwhelmed is an understatement. Someone to his left who’d been complimenting his set a moment before coos.

Younghyun grabs Sungjin’s head in his hands and – Sungjin will later wonder if this was real – smacks a kiss on Sungjin’s forehead.

“So proud of you,” says Younghyun again. They stare at each other for long enough that somebody coughs. 

“Where’s Jae?” asks Wonpil later, once they’re all sat on the picnic blanket.

Younghyun’s mouth is full of food. It takes him a moment to answer. “Couldn’t make it.”

“Work?” asks Jaebum.

“Nah, he’s just pissed at me,” says Younghyun. He looks at Sungjin, “he stayed for your set, hyung, but he dipped right after.”

“Oh.”

Younghyun wipes his hands on his jeans. “Are there loos around here?”

Dowoon points in the right direction and he gets up, brushing crumbs off himself and ambling away.

“Should we be worried?” Jinyoung asks Wonpil.

“Probably,” says Wonpil, watching Younghyun’s retreating form.

Younghyun gets offered the position, but it doesn’t seem to fix whatever’s broken in his relationship with Jae.

He doesn’t show up to Younghyun’s celebratory night out. Younghyun snaps at Dowoon when he asks about it, and then apologises moments later, looking shamefaced. He doesn’t actually explain his absence, though. Nobody asks again.

When Sungjin sees Jae at work, he’s almost too cheerful. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He never mentions Younghyun.

Five months after Dowoon and Wonpil’s wedding, just over four years since Younghyun and Jae started dating, Younghyun shows up at Sungjin’s apartment, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

Sungjin guesses what has happened almost as soon as he opens the door. Younghyun’s face is puffy, his eyes are red-rimmed. His lower lip wobbles. “We– I– can I come in?”

Sungjin stands aside, letting Younghyun pass. “Is everything ok?” he asks, even though it’s clearly not.

Younghyun shakes his head but doesn’t say anything as he takes off his shoes and pads further into Sungjin’s apartment, sitting down on the sofa. “Younghyun?” Sungjin prompts, standing over him.

Younghyun’s voice is hollow. “I broke up with Jae.”

Sungjin’s not surprised, and he doesn’t bother pretending otherwise. “I’m sorry.”

“He said– fuck,” Younghyun runs a hand over his face. “I fucked up, hyung.”

It doesn’t feel right to join Younghyun on the sofa – too intimate somehow – but he also feels wrong standing over him, so he drags a little stool he normally uses as a kind of coffee table over and sits on that instead, sitting forward with his forearms resting on his knees. “What happened?” he asks.

Younghyun’s shoulders are shaking. It’s hard to catch his next words between his hitching breaths. “He asked me – Jesus, this is hard to even– fuck. Ok. He asked me to marry him.”

Sungjin’s stomach drops. “What?”

Younghyun laughs hollowly. “Yep.”

Sungjin wants to get up and start pacing. “I’m confused,” he says slowly, “why would he ask you that when you guys have been having difficulties?”

“I don’t know,” says Younghyun, “we were arguing, and he was like ‘do you even want to marry me one day?’ and– shit. I answered on automatic. I said no.”

The silence hangs. There are two sides to Sungjin’s thoughts right now: the horrible, jealous side of him that’s happy his friends have broken up, is happy Younghyun’s automatic answer was no. And the side of him that wants to fix this, to stop Younghyun looking so broken. That’s the side that wins.

“Tell him it was a mistake,” says Sungjin, “you can fix this, Younghyunie. Go and tell him you answered like that because you thought he didn’t want to get married – that’s true, right? You said that to me before. And that you’re sorry, and you didn’t mean it.”

Younghyun is shaking his head. “I’m not going to lie to him.”

Sungjin’s phone starts ringing. He rejects the call without looking at who it is. “You don’t want to marry Jae?”

Younghyun shakes his head again.

“Why not?”

“Can I not answer that?” he sounds exhausted.

Sungjin’s phone rings again. It’s Wonpil. He rejects the call and switches his phone to silent. He turns his attention back to Younghyun. “Of course, you don’t have to answer. I shouldn’t have asked.”

Younghyun hums. He repositions himself on the sofa, shifting onto his side so that his socked feet are on the seat and his head is against the arm rest. “You should call whoever that was back. Is it Jae?”

“Wonpil.”

“Call him back,” says Younghyun.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I just wanna sit for a bit.”

With another worried glance at Younghyun, who’s closed his eyes, Sungjin gets up, pulling out his phone and clicking on his recent missed call notification. Wonpil picks up on the second ring.

“Is Younghyun with you?” he says.

“Yeah.”

“Can he hear me?”

“Yes,” says Younghyun, his voice muffled by the arm he’s burying his head into.

“He can,” says Sungjin.

“Move to a different room?” suggests Wonpil. Sungjin does, figuring he might as well use the opportunity to make Younghyun a cup of tea or something for the shock.

“I’m in the kitchen,” he says.

“Ok,” says Wonpil. “So, Jae just showed up at me and Dowoonie’s door in floods of tears. We’ve calmed him down and he’s asleep in our guest room right now. Any clue what happened?”

“They broke up,” says Sungjin.

“Fuck,” says Wonpil. “One sec, Dowoonie’s here, I’m putting you on speaker.”

There’s a fumbling noise and then he hears Dowoon, the worry in his voice clear even over the cell connection, “Do you know what happened, hyung? Jae-hyung hasn’t told us anything.”

“They broke up,” Wonpil repeats for Dowoon’s benefit. “How’s Younghyunie? It must have been hard to end it.”

Sungjin frowns. “Why do you think he’s the one that ended it?”

“I have never seen Jae with so much snot on his face. He was a _mess_.”

Sungjin’s aware that Younghyun can probably hear everything he’s saying, even if he can’t hear Wonpil and Dowoon. He puts the kettle on – partly to make tea and partly to let the sound mask his voice a bit. “Younghyun seems pretty cut up too,” he says quietly, “I’ve never seen him like this. He’s lying on my couch right now.”

Wonpil sighs. “I think we all saw this coming,” he says sadly. “Keep us updated on Younghyunie, ok? I texted him a bunch but he’s not responding.”

“Sure,” says Sungjin.

“Right,” says Wonpil, “well we’ll leave you be. Talk later.”

Sungjin doesn’t have a guest room, but his couch pulls out into a slightly lumpy double bed, and Younghyun sleeps on that. Sungjin’s apartment is old and the soundproofing isn’t good between apartments, let alone within them. He can hear Younghyun’s muffled sobs through the wall.

Wonpil informs Sungjin that Jae goes back to his own apartment after the first night. Maybe Younghyun knows this is the case, because he doesn’t leave Sungjin’s.

(“Can I stay for a few days, hyung?”

“Sure, as long as you need.”)

He doesn’t ask for any more details about the breakup, and Younghyun doesn’t offer them. Younghyun’s toothbrush sits next to Sungjin’s by the sink. He tucks his feet under Sungjin’s legs when they watch a movie on the second night, and falls asleep with his head on Sungjin’s shoulder. Sungjin tries not to have a breakdown.

Sungjin gets back from the bar at nearly two in the morning on the third night to find that Younghyun is still awake, curled up on his side on the sofa, staring at the TV. It’s playing a re-run of a live music show, but Younghyun clearly isn’t watching, his eyes glazed over.

“Hey,” says Sungjin, trying not to frighten him. Younghyun jumps anyway. “You ok?”

“Can’t sleep,” says Younghyun, swinging his legs around into a sitting position. Sungjin takes it as the invitation he’s sure it’s intended as and sits down next to him.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Probably not,” he says, reaching for the remote to mute the TV. “I’m too wound up.”

“Can I help you unwind?” asks Sungjin, and then he winces when he realises how the words sound. But Younghyun is looking at him with a strange expression on his face. 

“What?” says Sungjin.

Younghyun lurches forward, pressing their lips together in a sudden, heated kiss. Sungjin is so shocked that he doesn’t react at first, doesn’t even close his eyes. But then Younghyun starts to pull away and Sungjin’s body acts on impulse, chasing his lips and fisting his hands in Younghyun’s loose t-shirt to keep him where he is.

They kiss for a moment. Wetly, noisily. Sungjin’s mind is racing but his thoughts are useless, a stream of ‘holy shit’ and ‘is this really happening’ and ‘more, more, more’.

When Younghyun eventually pulls away again, chest heaving, they are momentarily connected by a string of saliva. It breaks. Younghyun’s eyes are wide, pupils blown.

Sungjin’s voice is scratchy, he sounds wrecked. “If that’s how I can help you,” he says, “let me help.”

“What?” asks Younghyun. He sounds just as bad as Sungjin.

Sungjin feels like he’s possessed. He lets his hand settle on Younghyun’s inner thigh. “I can make you feel better,” he says, “if you’ll let me.”

Younghyun makes a choked noise. “You want to…?”

Sungjin lets his hand wonder further, can’t believe his own actions, fuelled by desperation and this horrible thought that this is the only opportunity he’ll ever get to have Younghyun like this. “Only if you want to,” he says.

A shuddering exhale. “Go on, then.”

Things move in a kind of soupy blur. First, they’re kissing again, Sungjin taking the lead this time. Then the hand on Younghyun’s thigh moves that last little distance until his palm is rubbing slow circles against Younghyun’s crotch, making him buck up and gasp.

Then there are hands tugging on Sungjin’s shirt. “Arms up,” he mumbles into Sungjin’s mouth, “if we’re doing this, we’re not doing it fully clothed.”

Sungjin raises his arms obediently so that Younghyun can pull his t-shirt off him then immediately reconnects their lips. He feels like he’s outside of himself, watching this from afar, amazed at his own daring as his hands once again find Younghyun’s pants.

“This ok?” he asks, tugging at the drawstrings of his sweatpants.

“God, yes.”

In the end, he doesn’t even manage to get Younghyun’s pants off. They remain trapped against his thighs as Sungjin pulls his underwear down and comes face to face with Younghyun’s dick.

It’s already hard, which he’d known by the tented boxers, but he somehow still isn’t prepared for. Sungjin’s face is hot. It’s pretty - can dicks be pretty? He hates himself for even thinking it. He can’t look at Younghyun’s face right now.

He kind of wants it in his mouth.

He starts to lower his head and Younghyun makes a strangled noise. “You don’t have to–”

He still can’t look at him. “I want to. Do you want me to?”

“Yeah,” says Younghyun. His voice is barely a whisper.

“Let me take care of you, then,” he says, taking his dick into his mouth.

“You’ve done that before,” says Younghyun after. He’s still breathing hard.

“Once or twice.”

“I wish you’d have told me.”

Sungjin wipes his mouth. “You know I like guys.”

“Didn’t know you’d dated any.” Sungjin thinks he sounds upset, but that’s ridiculous.

“Don’t have to date someone to suck them off, Younghyunie.” He tucks himself back into his jeans, searches the floor for his discarded shirt. He still hasn’t looked Younghyun in the eye.

“Hyung–”

“Do you want my help with the pull-out bed?” He doesn’t want to talk about what just happened.

“Oh,” Younghyun sounds surprised. Why does he sound surprised? “No, that’s fine.”

“Think you can sleep now?”

He risks a glance at Younghyun. Colour is high on his cheeks as he nods.

“Good,” says Sungjin. He needs to get the hell out of there. “Night, then.”

He makes it to his bedroom on shaky legs. Doesn’t bother getting into sleepwear, or brushing his teeth even though his mouth tastes foul. Just collapses face first onto his bed, listens to the sounds of Younghyun setting up the pull-out next door. Tries very hard not to cry. Fails.


	3. Now

Sungjin gets up late the next day – Younghyun’s already gone to work. He stares blankly at the wall for a long time, considering just how badly he’d fucked up the night before. He’s not sure what’s worse: that he’d slept with Younghyun at all or that he’d acted so weird afterwards, most likely alerting Younghyun that he hadn’t been as chill about their hook-up as he wanted him to believe. When he finally makes his way to the kitchen, he sees a post-it stuck to the counter.

_Thanks for your hospitality, hyung!!! Wonpil says his guest room is free now so I’m staying there for a while until I can find an apartment. Sorry for the note, but you seemed tired and I didn’t want to wake you._

It’s signed with Younghyun’s name and a smiley face, and Sungjin feels sick.

He honestly couldn’t tell you how he spends the rest of the day until his bar shift that evening. He’s pretty sure he cries some more. Dowoon calls, but he doesn’t pick up.

They don’t talk about it. They don’t talk at all. Sungjin avoids meetings with his friends and cancels on Wonpil’s movie night because he doesn’t want to go to the house Younghyun is staying at. Exchanges dumb, friendly messages with Wonpil through text and social media but stops responding if he asks about what happened. Continues to ignore Dowoon’s increasingly frequent calls.

He sees Jae at work one night and almost walks right out of there. Jae doesn’t look good. His hair’s a mess, he’s even paler than normal, and there are dark shadows under his eyes. He’s wearing the glasses he actually needs to see rather than the accessory ones he wears with contacts.

Sungjin can’t afford to lose his job over a missed shift, so he sucks it up. If he’s lucky it’ll be a busy enough night that he can get through it without having to talk to Jae except to relay drink orders.

Jae obviously has the same thought, avoiding eye contact with him and keeping his head down for most of the night. They’re on closing together again, and they wipe down tables and sweep the floor in relative silence.

It’s not until they’re shrugging on their coats, ready to leave, that Jae addresses him about something other than work.

“Younghyun’s staying at yours, right?”

Jae looks like it hurts to ask. Strange, Sungjin thinks, considering it also hurts him to answer. “No,” he says, “not anymore.”

“Oh,” Jae looks deeply uncomfortable. “Where…?”

“Wonpil and Dowoon’s. They have a guest room.”

Jae nods. He knows that, he’s stayed in it. Sungjin’s not sure why he told him. “Right,” says Jae. “But you two are…”

Sungjin stares at him, hands in his jacket pockets. Jae coughs.

“You two are like. A thing now, right?”

Sungjin’s lucky he’s had years of playing it cool, because his heart immediately beats into overdrive at the suggestion. “We’re not,” he says, and his voice only shakes the tiniest bit.

Jae bites his hip. “Really? But I thought– never mind. Look, you’re going to see him sooner than I am, right?”

“I guess.” It’s honestly looking unlikely.

“Ok,” says Jae, plunging his hand into the pocket of his jeans and pulling something out. Sungjin forces himself to stop wondering why Jae thought he and Younghyun were together, to focus on the conversation at hand. “Can you give this to him, then? I kind of threw it at him when we had our fight. I know it’s important to him, so I found it after it rolled under the bed and…” Jae is holding out a closed fist.

Sungjin takes it, surprised to realise it’s a ring. He can’t make out any details in the dim light of the bar. Younghyun wears a lot of jewellery, but he’s not usually sentimental about it. “I’ll make sure it gets back to him,” he says.

“Ok,” says Jae again, “cool.” He clicks his tongue and half-winks, a classic attempt at being casual, and turns on his heel.

Sungjin slips the ring into his jacket pocket. “Hey, Jae?”

“Yeah?” He’s almost out the door.

Sungjin swallows. “I meant what I said before. I don’t want to take sides.”

Sungjin sees Jae’s carefully crafted façade crack a little. “The fuck does that mean?”

“You’re my friend too. If you still want to be.”

Jae looks genuinely surprised, and Sungjin abruptly realises he’s screwed up in more ways than one recently. “Ok,” says Jae, smiling a little, “yeah. That’s– I wasn’t sure. Because I know Younghyun–”

“You were my friend before you were his boyfriend,” says Sungjin, spurred on by the realisation that he’s missed Jae. Like, _really_ missed him. Not just since the breakup. “I’m here for you if you want to talk or whatever. I know I’m biased, because Younghyun, so you might not want to actually discuss that, but other stuff–”

“No, yeah, that sounds great,” says Jae, scratching the back of his head. “Really, thanks man. I kinda figured you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

Sungjin feels like the worst person in the world. “I’m sorry that you thought that.”

“Ok. Well… I’m going to go home, because I’m beat, but? I’ll text you? I guess?”

“Sure.”

Jae leaves with slightly more of a spring in his step, and Sungjin surprises himself by feeling a little lighter, too. He’s pretty sure that (weirdly) it’ll be easier to be friends with Jae now than it has been for years.

Sungjin forgets about the ring until he’s back at his apartment. His fingers brush against it as he’s digging in his pocket for his keys, and once he’s inside he takes it out to look at it again.

At the bar, he’d assumed it was something really expensive, for Jae to seek him out to give it back. But it’s kind of cheap looking – a band of tarnished silver metal with some kind of slightly sparkly dark blue resin or glass inlayed around it. Something tugs on Sungjin’s memory. It looks too small to fit an adult’s finger.

As he holds it, the colour changes to a muted orange, and that’s when it clicks. Sungjin is holding a mood ring.

He stares at it. There’s no way, right? Younghyun must have just picked it up somewhere. But why would he be sentimental about it otherwise? Why would Jae have thrown it at him in the middle of a fight that ended a four-year relationship if it’s just some trinket he got from God-knows where?

Sungjin needs to give it back. He needs to ask Younghyun himself rather than theorising. For now, though, he puts the ring safely in the little box of keepsakes he has for things like yearbooks and movie tickets and tries not to think about it.

“I’m only calling because Jinyoung got a text from Wonpil saying you’ve gone radio-silent and he’s worried,” Jaebum says over video call two days later. “What the hell is going on in your brain right now, dude?”

“How long have you got?”

Jaebum’s eyes flick upwards, presumably to check the time. “About 20 minutes until I’ve gotta go watch a surgery.”

“Anything interesting?” asks Sungjin.

“Yeah, this dog came in with a huge tumorous – wait, you never ask me about this shit, you’re stalling.”

Sungjin sighs. “What do you already know?”

“I know that Younghyun and Jae broke up, which, by the way, we all saw coming. I know that Younghyun was staying with you and is now staying with the newlyweds because – and I’m quoting Jinyoung here – ‘apparently they fucked around and didn’t talk about it’.”

Sungjin flinches. “Who told him?”

“Younghyun talks to Wonpil because they’re best friends, Wonpil talks to Jinyoung because Wonpil has no filter, Jinyoung talks to me because we have a healthy relationship with no secrets.”

“And you’re both gossips.”

“That too,” agrees Jaebum. “But for real: what the fuck, dude?”

Sungjin groans, tilting his head back so it thumps against the wall. “It was a stupid decision and I don’t know why I did it, ok?”

Jaebum sighs. “Well, then you need to apologise to Younghyun. It’s not fair to mess him about like that when he’s probably feeling all confused anyway.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Well, before Jae, he liked you, right? And then he stops dating Jae and suddenly you start acting like you like him back–”

“Wait,” cuts across Sungjin, “Younghyun liked me?”

Jaebum looks abashed. “I mean – I’m pretty sure. Wasn’t that why he hated me so much back in school? Because he was jealous?”

Sungjin shakes his head at the slightly pixelated version of Jaebum on his phone screen. “You’re wrong, he’s never liked me like that.”

Jaebum rolls his eyes. “Then what’s the fucking problem? You don’t have feelings for him, he doesn’t have feelings for you. You fucked, it was weird.” Someone off-screen says something and Jaebum winces. “Sorry, won’t happen again,” he says, his tone distinctly more professional. “No, I totally understand. Just give me a moment to say goodbye.”

Sungjin waits for him to stop talking to the person off-screen and then sniggers. “You just got chewed out for swearing at work, didn’t you?”

“Yep,” says Jaebum. “This placement is ridiculous. S’not like the cats are going to hear and get offended, is it? Anyway, all I’m saying is friends sleep together all the time and it absolutely doesn’t need to be a big deal. Just talk about it.”

“Yeah,” says Sungjin. Of course, it’s more complicated than that, but Jaebum doesn’t know about his feelings. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” he says. “Sorry I can’t bring my phone into the operating room. It’s actually really interesting, they have to cut–”

“I’m hanging up now, Jaebum.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.”

It’s almost 11am, and there’s someone banging at the door. Sungjin is still in the sweatpants and t-shirt he slept in. He’s not proud, but he does work nights, it’s acceptable. Hoping it’s just an over-excited courier with a package that he forgot that he ordered or something, he opens the door.

Dowoon is standing on his doorstep. “Hi, hyung.”

“You need a key to get into this building,” says Sungjin stupidly.

“I waited until someone was coming out,” says Dowoon. “Wonpil-hyung said that’s what he normally does.”

Wonpil is a menace to society. “Come in, I guess.”

Dowoon at least has the grace to look a little ashamed of himself. “You weren’t answering my calls,” he says, “I’ve been worried.”

The look Dowoon shoots him is so earnest that Sungjin’s annoyance melts. “I’ve been having a rough time of it,” he says, “sorry Dowoonie. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Younghyun-hyung told us what happened. Well, he told Wonpil-hyung.”

Sungjin grimaces. He’s glad that Dowoon is the person who figured out his feelings, not Wonpil, or their entire circle of friends would know by now. “I’m fine,” he says.

Dowoon snorts. “I don’t believe you, but ok.”

“How’s Younghyun?”

“He’s freaking out. He keeps pulling Wonpil-hyung into different rooms to have panicked whispered conversations about it. He thinks you only slept with him to be a good hyung.”

“ _What?”_

Dowoon is blinking at him with wide eyes. “I told him that wasn’t true, but I couldn’t say why without giving away your secret, hyung. I think you should talk to him.”

“I will. Eventually.”

“How about now?” says Dowoon.

“I’m not ready now.”

Dowoon looks him up and down. “Because you’re not dressed? We can wait.”

Sungjin squints at him. “What do you mean ‘ _we_ can wait’? Who’s ‘ _we_ ’?”

Dowoon flushes. “Er– me and Wonpil, who is in the car out front waiting for us. Surprise? This is an ambush, sorry.” He doesn’t sound happy about it. Wonpil’s powers of persuasion have clearly only increased since they got married.

Sungjin sighs. It’s pointless to try and argue against Wonpil. “Give me 10 minutes,” he says. Before he returns to Dowoon fully dressed, he slips the mood ring into the pocket of his hoodie.

The story, which he hears from Wonpil who heard it from Jae and relays with Younghyun’s permission on the car journey over, is this:

The stuff with Younghyun’s internship keeping them apart had only dug a chisel into cracks in their relationship that were already there. The inciting incident had been Dowoon and Wonpil’s wedding.

Apparently Younghyun made some comments to Jae about how romantic it was that Dowoon and Wonpil were childhood friends who’ve been dating since high school, and Jae took it kind of personally.

(“Why would he take that personally?”

“We’ll get there, wait for it.”)

Marriage wasn’t something they’d ever talked about; which Jae admits might have been a warning sign in and of itself. Younghyun apparently had no idea it was something Jae wanted, but Jae assured Wonpil that he’d been dropping hints to test the water and Younghyun had completely missed them.

Then there was the stuff with the internship. Jae had felt abandoned, like Younghyun was choosing work over him. 

(“But it’s his dream job–” says Sungjin, offended on Younghyun’s behalf.

“Doesn’t mean he had to stay overtime and miss date nights, hyung.”)

This had only gotten worse when it became clear to Jae that Younghyun was choosing to use the rare time he had where he wasn’t working to hang out with Sungjin – to help him with his setlist, meet him for lunch, go to his gigs.

(“I didn’t realise–”

“I don’t think anyone’s blaming you,” says Dowoon.)

Things had got more and more frosty between them to the point that they were actively avoiding one another, until one evening something snapped and they ended up screaming at each other.

(“I asked Jae, and he says he started it. But Younghyun says the same, so who knows.”)

Wonpil doesn’t know the particulars of what was said. It’s safe to assume Sungjin’s name came up and there was an element of jealousy, which sends a guilty thrill up Sungjin’s spine. Then Jae had asked his question about marriage, not meaning anything more by it than a heat-of-the-moment accusation, and Younghyun’s response had kind of cemented things.

“But what about the ring?” asks Sungjin, when Wonpil’s finished recounting the details and they’re pulling up outside his apartment building.

“What ring?”

Sungjin’s fingers tighten around the now skin-heated metal in his pocket. “Nothing,” he says, “I must have misheard.”

He had assumed, on the drive over, that Younghyun had agreed to – or was at least aware of – his visit. This is clearly not the case.

Indeed, as Sungjin shuffles into the living room after Wonpil, Younghyun seems to freeze mid-greeting. He doesn’t look at Sungjin beyond a flick of his eyes. “Hey, Pillie,” he says, his smile frozen on his face, “what the fuck?”

“You two need to talk.”

“You couldn’t give a guy some warning?”

“I did,” says Wonpil promptly, “I said if you didn’t talk to each other soon, I’d make you. You didn’t talk. I’m making you.” He turns to Sungjin. “The door to the living room doesn’t lock, but don’t even think about leaving, ok? Dowoon and I will be down the hall. Have fun.”

And with that, Wonpil turns on his heel, walks out of the room and closes the door behind him.

“Sorry,” blurts Sungjin immediately, “I thought you’d agreed to this.”

“Wonpil is a force of nature,” says Younghyun.

Sungjin’s laugh is painfully fake. He doesn’t think he can ever recall a time before this that it’s been this awkward between them. The silence lingers.

“So…” says Sungjin, when he can’t bare it any longer, “Wonpil filled me in on the whole breakup story.”

“Yeah,” says Younghyun, “I said he could.”

“Sorry,” says Sungjin, because he thinks it needs to be said, “I really didn’t mean to fuck up your relationship with Jae by inviting you to hang out all the time.”

Younghyun half-laughs. “Wasn’t your fault, hyung.”

They stare at each other some more. Sungjin knows they have to address it. “Dowoon said that you thought I gave you a blowjob to be a good hyung.”

Younghyun’s fixed smile is back in an instant. “I am going to kill them both.”

“I didn’t,” says Sungjin, “I did it because I wanted to.”

“Then why did you go silent on me after?”

“Because it was awkward,” says Sungjin. He thinks of what Jaebum said, “we’re friends, and we fucked up and made things weird.”

Younghyun’s gaze is harsh. He crosses his arms. “Could you cut the crap, Sungjin?”

“Huh?”

“If it was just a matter of things being a bit weird, you wouldn’t have absolutely stopped talking to me.”

“You didn’t exactly initiate–”

“I wasn’t finished,” says Younghyun. “You stopped talking to me, you were acting weird right after and wouldn’t even look at me properly, and I heard you _crying in your bedroom_. Excuse me for thinking I’d somehow taken advantage of you.”

The blood drains from Sungjin’s face. “You heard that?”

“Yes,” says Younghyun. “And I knew I’d fucked up, because I don’t know much about hookup culture but I’m pretty sure sex isn’t meant to leave your partner crying in the next room.”

“Fuck,” says Sungjin. “Younghyun, I’m sorry. That wasn’t – that wasn’t because I felt taken advantage of.”

“Then _why_?” Younghyun looks desperate. “Because it seems to me like I forced myself on you, and you went along with it to make me feel better.”

“I can make my own choices, Younghyun.”

Younghyun runs a hand through his hair. “But I’ve never seen you date! I’ve basically been working on the assumption you’re a virgin–”

“I’m not.” Sungjin is still standing where he was when the conversation started, but Younghyun is pacing back and forth. He’s never seen him like this before.

“Not the point! The point is that I might be younger, but I have more experience with relationships and with sex than you, and I let myself forget that and chase something I wanted without considering that it might – I don’t know – mess with your head or something.”

Sungjin takes a deep breath. This whole time, he thought Younghyun was mad at him, but it turns out he was mad at himself. “I won’t pretend I wasn’t overwhelmed,” he says, ignoring the panicked look on Younghyun’s face at his words, “but can you please give me a little more credit? I’m not completely inexperienced, I knew what I was doing. I wanted to make you feel good but I also–” he swallows, “I also wanted to do it for me. It was mutual.”

Younghyun finally stops pacing. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Positive?”

He nods.

“Thank God,” says Younghyun. “I thought you hated me.”

He breaks out into a smile, and for a blissful moment Sungjin thinks he’s really dodged a bullet and things can go back to normal. But then he remembers the ring burning a hole in his pocket. He went through all the trouble to bring it, and he really does have to return it.

“There’s something else,” he says, “Jae gave me something to give back to you.”

Before Younghyun can say anything, Sungjin pulls out the ring and holds it out on his flat palm. Younghyun goes white as a sheet.

“He said you’d want it back because it has sentimental value. He didn’t tell me why he threw it at you though.”

Younghyun’s eyes are fixed on the ring. “I can explain,” he says.

It’s all the confirmation Sungjin needs. “Why do you even have this still? I never saw you wear it.”

Younghyun’s eyes are still on the ring. “I was scared that if I wore it, I’d lose it.”

There’s this little voice in Sungjin’s head that’s just saying ‘fuck it’. Younghyun has kept the ring for over a decade, that has to mean _something._ “Well, if we’re doing truths,” he says, his voice shaking, “I bought this for you because a year earlier I had made you promise me we’d get married. This was meant to be your engagement ring.”

Younghyun’s eyes snap to Sungjin’s. “ _What?”_ his voice is hoarse.

Sungjin’s laugh sounds fake, because it is. “I had such a crush on you when we were kids,” he says.

Younghyun’s eyes are searching. “And now?”

Deep breath in, deep breath out. “No comment,” says Sungjin. Younghyun’s mouth falls open, and Sungjin knows it’s as good as a confession. “Just take the damn ring, Younghyun.”

Younghyun’s hand is clammy as he takes the mood ring from him. His fist closes around the tiny metal circlet, but Sungjin notices he doesn’t put it in a pocket, just holds it.

“I don’t remember you making me promise to marry you,” Younghyun says, “but I used to fantasise that it was a wedding ring.”

It’s Sungjin’s turn to stare at Younghyun in shock.

“I had a crush on you for ages,” he says, “it was terrible. I hated Jaebum so much at first because I thought he was stealing you from me.”

Jaebum had been right, then. Sungjin thinks about how Younghyun had said he thought it was romantic that Wonpil and Dowoon were childhood friends. How different would their teenage years had been if Sungjin had been a little more aware of his feelings and Younghyun’s?

“Why did Jae throw it at you?” asks Sungjin.

“I don’t know. I think he figured out what it meant. I was obsessed with the idea of childhood friends falling in love and I keep a ring my best friend from school gave me in a box by my bed.”

The air is thick with tension. Younghyun’s gaze is intense and Sungjin thinks he knows what’s going on but it’s too unexpected. Too unlikely. He needs to make things clearer, on his end at least.

“Look,” he says, “I’m going to be really honest with you, because I think we both need it. I didn’t get over that childhood crush. I freaked out after we slept together because I was panicked, because I have feelings for you.”

The ring in Younghyun’s hand falls to the ground.

Younghyun’s voice is thick. “Hyung…”

“You don’t need to know how you feel yet,” says Sungjin, “I just needed to put it out there.”

He feels exposed, like a raw nerve. Younghyun’s shocked gaze is probing, painful. “I think–” Younghyun pauses. “I think I need a bit of time. To know what to do with that information.”

“Yeah,” says Sungjin, directing his gaze to the ring on the floor. “that’s… uh. That’s fair.”

“I’m not rejecting you,” says Younghyun quickly. Sungjin’s eyes shoot up. Younghyun colours. “It’s just too soon for me. I need to… I don’t know. Take some time. Figure out what I’m feeling.”

Sungjin nods. It’s more than he ever dreamed of, more than he could possibly have hoped for. “Ok,” he says.

“I’m not rejecting you,” says Younghyun again.

Sungjin’s lips curl into a smile, “Ok,” he repeats.

Younghyun’s returning smile is hesitant, but it’s there.

Younghyun finds a new apartment a few weeks later. It’s smaller than the one he shared with Jae, but Sungjin can’t help but notice it’s a little closer to his own. It’s unfurnished, too, so Younghyun orders practically the entire IKEA catalogue to fill it, and it all comes flat packed.

He enlists the help of practically everyone he knows to help unpack and build it all. And he really does mean everyone: Wonpil and Dowoon bicker good naturedly as they put together the TV stand that really only needs one person working on it; Jaebum and Jinyoung fight with the instructions for an almost comically complicated fold-out table, and Sungjin resigns himself to heavy lifting, taking box after box from the back of the hired moving van. Younghyun’s even invited a friend from work: a nervous-looking guy in square-framed glasses called Youngjae helps Younghyun assemble a desk chair while talking about the internship position that used to be Younghyun’s. The only person who’s missing is Jae, and Sungjin knows they’re all feeling it.

Younghyun’s new apartment is on the bottom floor, which is a blessing. They’ve got his front door and the door to the building propped open, but Sungjin’s really the only person going in and out. He’s just debating if he’ll need help with a particularly heavy box of books when a voice startles him.

“Hey,” says Jae, “I didn’t know if I’d be welcome, but I bought refreshments.”

Sungjin abandons the box to stand up straight and look at him. Jae looks nervous, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He’s holding a tray of iced coffees. Sungjin doesn’t know what to say. “I can get Younghyun?” he suggests.

Jae shakes his head. “It’s probably weird I’m here. I mean, Younghyun did text me to tell me he was moving and give me the address, but I don’t think he thought I’d turn up–”

“I’ll get Younghyun,” says Sungjin. He adjusts his shirt from where it’s ridden up with all the heavy lifting and takes the tray of drinks from Jae, “and I’ll hand these out,” he says.

Jae nods, looking kind of small and lost despite his lanky figure.

Sungjin heads inside and puts the tray down on the newly erected coffee table. “Drinks from a mysterious benefactor,” he says. Wonpil dives for the coffees, slapping Jinyoung’s hand away from the one topped with cream.

Jinyoung laughs and takes an iced black coffee instead, which makes Sungjin think he only went for the other one to annoy Wonpil. Their friendship is weird.

“Thanks, hyung,” says Dowoon, also taking a drink.

“Not me who bought them,” says Sungjin, “thank Jae.”

Younghyun had been sitting on the floor, sorting through washers and screws, but at Sungjin’s words his head swivels in his direction. “Jae’s here?”

“He’s outside.”

“I should talk to him,” says Younghyun, “right?”

Nobody answers. Younghyun looks at Sungjin, who nods.

“Ok,” says Younghyun, standing up and stretching, “gotta go be a grown-up. Hyung, can you stay in here for a bit? If I’m not finished in like half an hour come out and get me.”

“Sure. He’s by the moving van, I told him to stay put.”

Nobody says anything as Younghyun leaves. Youngjae speaks first, “Jae’s the ex-boyfriend, right?”

“Yep,” says Sungjin.

Youngjae nods. “And you’re the current boyfriend?”

Wonpil chokes on his drink. “No,” says Sungjin, as calmly as he can manage with Wonpil spluttering loudly behind him.

Youngjae tilts his head. “Well, he talks about you like you’re his boyfriend. Just so you know.”

“What does he say about me?” asks Wonpil eagerly.

“He mostly says you’re annoying,” says Youngjae. Wonpil pouts while the others laugh.

Sungjin finds Younghyun thirty minutes later, sitting at the back of the moving van, staring forwards. Jae is nowhere to be seen. “Everything ok?” he asks.

“We talked,” says Younghyun, “we’re going to try to be friends.”

“That’s good,” says Sungjin, joining him at the back of the van and handing him his now not-very-iced americano, “right?”

“Yeah,” says Younghyun, taking the drink without looking at it. “Think so. I’ve missed him.”

“You lived with him for years,” says Sungjin, “it would be weird if you didn’t.”

Younghyun hums, leaning into Sungjin’s side. “Apparently part of why Jae came over was to give us his blessing and say there were no hard feelings. He thought we were dating.”

Sungjin’s heart lurches. “So did Youngjae.”

Younghyun slumps into him a little more. “Why aren’t we dating, again?”

“You needed time.”

“I’ve had time,” says Younghyun. “You know, Jae said I always put you first? I didn’t even realise. Just now he asked me if it was marriage I didn’t like or if I just couldn’t picture myself marrying him.”

“What did you say?” asks Sungjin. His mouth is dry.

“I told him I didn’t know, but that wasn’t thinking about marriage at this point in my life.”

“That’s fair.”

“I lied, though,” says Younghyun, turning to look at him at last. “I’m kind of already engaged.”

“Oh,” says Sungjin stupidly.

“To you, hyung,” he clarifies. Sungjin doesn’t say anything. Younghyun bites his lip. “Well?”

“You’re going to have to make it very clear to me if you’re saying what I think you’re saying,” says Sungjin, “because I really want to kiss you right now.”

Younghyun puts down his coffee and closes the gap for him. It’s closed-mouthed and chaste but so, so much better than last time. When Younghyun pulls away, Sungjin lifts a hand to his face and guides their mouths together again, kissing him just as carefully and delicately as before. He feels Younghyun’s eyelashes flutter against his skin.

“Part of why I never really dated anyone,” says Sungjin softly, “is that a part of me really did feel like I’d promised myself to you as a kid.”

Younghyun makes a tiny, breathy noise. “I’m sorry I forgot. I’m sorry I made you wait.”

“Don’t be,” says Sungjin, “I was happy as long as you were.”

Younghyun kisses him again, a little harder. Part of Sungjin still can’t believe this is happening.

“I’m a really clingy boyfriend,” says Younghyun, “just so you know. I’ve never been someone’s fiancé before, but I’m probably even more annoying as one.”

“We’re not really engaged,” Sungjin points out.

“I kind of want to be,” Younghyun admits. “Is that bad?”

“No.”

“We’ll have a long engagement, then,” says Younghyun, “like, really long.”

Sungjin laughs. “It’s already been fourteen years.”

“What’s a few more, then? I expect a proper ring though, one that fits this time.”

If Younghyun is a clingy boyfriend, Sungjin is about to discover that he is the kind of boyfriend that’s _whipped_. “Anything you want,” he says. Younghyun beams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it folks! A happy ending, because it's me. Writing this has been an absolute delight. I am the queen of oneshots and this is the longest thing I have written EVER (and I have been writing fanfiction for like ten years at this point). 
> 
> I realise that including Youngjae right at the end served no real purpose, but I thought it'd be cool to make Younghyun's co-worker in the fic his co-worker in real life (Idol Radio is so good to us). 
> 
> Just a reminder, my twitter is [@eajpils](https://twitter.com/eajpils). Keep an eye out for more Day6 fics from me or check out those I've already written, because I really doubt this is the last one.


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